You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
