Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
