Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
