just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize