we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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