so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need moral support for this bender
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
