My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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