I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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