Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
