I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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