I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
