Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
