No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
