Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
