yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
