wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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