my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
