great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
