dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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