come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
