Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
