the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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