he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
