This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
