I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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