Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
