Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
