Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
