Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
