When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was CRYING into my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
