so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
