I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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