I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
