I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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