This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize