I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
