I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
