homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
