he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
