Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
