think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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