I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
