dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
