i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
