he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
