I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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