Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
