I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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