I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
