no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
