It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
