I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
