opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
