My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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