I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
