I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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