dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize