I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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