is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He felt like a one man threesome
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
