I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize