i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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