the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
