Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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