he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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