____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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