oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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