Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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