On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize