I accidentally burped into my bong.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How naked do you want me to be?
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